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xxmangledwings
27 February 2010 @ 11:26 pm
I've decided to make a separate livejournal, simply for the sake of posting my fiction and art. Please feel free to friend me there if you are interested!

Username is xoPeachyMomo
 
 
xxmangledwings
15 November 2009 @ 03:49 am
For 100 Things to Write. Character: Xerin, who is depressing as always.




17. BLOOD
Xerin pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping them securely in his frail arms. The tips of his fingers and toes were like ice, cold and numb, full of a painful prickling sensation - like needles. His heart beat fast in his chest; he could feel it thudding against his legs rhythmically, a sore and frightened melody. His body ached, the jutting curves of his hips burning and tender as he lay on the harsh tile floor of the bathroom. It was so silent, besides the dull buzzing of the fluorescent lighting above the sink, but he remained on edge, form rigid, as if anticipating attack. His sea glass eyes were wide, unblinking, dilated with fear; he was listening to the footsteps on the other side of the door, ambling around the bedroom lazily. Then he heard the creaking of a door open and closing and then the soft vibrations of movement on the other side of the wall, fading slowly.

He finally let out a series of short, shaky breaths, lungs rattling with the rapid pressure. He closed his palm over his bloody mouth and squeezed the tears out of his bloodshot eyes. He cried vehemently for an hour, choking on his own muffled sobbing, his throat raw as he listened shamefully to the echoes of his own pathetic voice bounding back at him. He rubbed at his wet cheeks, irritating the sensitive skin around his eyes, before straightening his shuddering elbows and pushing himself up against the wall. His whole body protested him moving, but he willed himself to ignore the pain. He stumbled to the sink, trailing blood down his legs and onto the sullied white floor. His fingers gripped the marble, knuckles white and crooked with strenuosity. He then forced himself to crane his head and look at his piteous reflection in the mirror.

He gritted his teeth at the sight, using the back of his hand to wipe away the cached blood in the corners of his mouth. His cheek was swelled and already bruising, eyes encircled with thick purple, the same color as the distinctive prints at the base of his throat. There were grisly bite marks all down his neck and across his collar bone and deep scratches lined in peeling skin across his chest. He ran his quavering hands through his matted white-blond hair, hanging his head in humiliation and disgust. He felt a burning hatred inside himself for being so weak, for continuing to let this happen to him. Perhaps he had earned it, for being such a disgrace.

He blinked away fresh tears and fumbled in the hidden cabinet behind the mirror, pushing back vials of pills to find a rusted old razor, sharp and unclean. The slightest smile graced his lips before he collapsed onto the closed toilet lid, hissing in agony as the torture between his legs seemed to tear. He allowed himself a few moments of recovery, gulping down air and leaning forward as if to be sick. Then he straightened his back and - almost proudly, as if this could alleviate all of his sins - began cutting.

He tore the rigid edge of the steel into the chafed flesh of his wrist, making jagged lines over layers of old scars. The surge of pain brought with it a sort of self-assurance; he was repenting and for once it was all under his control. He deserved it, he needed it, he wanted it. Sometimes, it felt good to be hurt.

The most unsure laugh escaped Xerin as he watched the blood run down his arm, cracked and broken and unstable. It was like the sound of glass shattering. Beautiful painted glass.

Soon there wouldn't be a drop left and finally he would be free of all of this.
 
 
Momo's mood is: creative
 
 
xxmangledwings
15 November 2009 @ 03:46 am
I've decided I want to do this. 100 little dribbles. I've also decided I want to do 100 for each character I feel like writing about. I've gotten a lot of inspiration towards Xerin again lately, randomly, so I wanted to start with him. For my first shot I picked number 17 on the list, Blood. But before I post that, here is the list:

1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

I'll be placing the dribble in the next post.
 
 
Momo's mood is: lonelylonely
 
 
xxmangledwings
I found this really amazing online Pokemon game. Basically, you collect eggs and Pokemon and level them up, evolve them, breed the, etc. Like in the games there are items and evolutionary stones, certain times of day to evolve pokemon, max happiness requirements, etc. for certain Pokemon. There are also legendary and novelty events as well as a shop.

It is a click based game with a very fun forum to interact on; you put your eggs in your signature and, unlike a lot of other click-based games, you always get clicks from the many friendly, active users.

The site.

I recommend joining if you like Pokemon or cute critters in general. Or fun online games :] The coding is amazing, too. Very professional.

Also, a little advertising could never hurt. Please click my Pokemon/Eggs? I always click back.

My profile

 
 
xxmangledwings
27 February 2009 @ 05:57 pm
AKA
What's the story behind your username?
It used to be an AIM screen name, which I based around an old RP character.
 
 
 
xxmangledwings
01 December 2008 @ 10:57 pm
VOTE.

Vote against human rights violation. Vote for freedom of choice. Vote against sexism. Vote against ignorant and idiocy. All you have to do is click the little vote button.
 
 
Momo's mood is: determined
 
 
xxmangledwings
Equality does not exist, as everyone has probably noticed by now. In fact, I don't think it is possible to exist amongst humans at this rate, ever. As they say, history repeats itself. It seems to me that discrimination will continue to be an endless, extremely vicious cycle. People will find the littlest things to hate on each other for. Even if there was no sex, gender, race, hair color, eye color... Even if we looked the same, people would find something.

Even now, I see history turning on itself, and it's even worse that formerly suffering groups fuel this. For example, second-wave Feminism, which has no place whatsoever in Western Society anymore, because women already have it much more easy than men in America and most of Europe and other Western countries. The US is especially terrible with it's extremely misandrist media. Suddenly it's okay to say, "Men are useless" and "All men are stupid pigs" but if you so much as criticize a woman, you are labeled a sexist. Women here don't serve the deserved jail time, they are given the upper hand in divorces and child custody cases, and they are spoiled rotten by our so-called "advanced" government system. It's becoming so that almost all media and commercial industries are aimed towards women - which works off an old sexist stereotype that they spend money carelessly - giving them more power in financial areas than men. It is turning the tables, not making anything equal. Even horrific crimes such as murder, child abuse, child molestation, and rape are overlooked when a woman is the offender and especially if a man is the victim. Apparently, women can do no harm. This is both misandrist and misogynist. Not only that, but literally two times as much money is donated to women health research while men's donations are cut in half. The medical world, too, hates men, apparently, because while routine male circumcision is still legal and supported many second-wave Feminists protest female circumcision, and never male. This is also the fault of a greedy society that is Hell-bent on milking citizens for all the money they're worth and foreskin can sell for hundreds. Did you know that Oprah supports an age-renewing cream that has human foreskin in its ingredients? And she is one of the wealthiest, most powerful women in the US. I can't get over how sick this is!

Men suffer now in Western countries, women still suffer in third-world civilizations, but most second-wave Feminists in Western civilization are too busy selfishly worrying about what other benefits the government will appease them with to care at all about the women who are actually suffering elsewhere. Even when they do notice, they are so sexist in their cause they don't notice when men suffer, around them and in third-world countries. Apparently only women suffer from arranged marriages, even when men are forced into them by their parents as well. Never mind the male power-structure of their society otherwise, it is still unfair to both parties. I don't understand Feminism because it is refusing to become a humanitarian. Apparently supporting 100% of the population is too difficult. Sorry, but I don't want to see patriarchy turn to matriarchy. They both need to be destroyed.

Race is also taking a turn, although it is still rather equal in generalizations and stereotypes. Oddly, whites still have the main power in the country but it is the minorities who receive extra benefits and government handouts. There is no such thing as this "positive discrimination" and affirmative action can only make things worse for everyone involved. Somehow, it has become "racist" for a white person to be proud of their ethnicity or to complain about not being able to have these extra educational and financial benefits. Even the itty bitty details, like how whites aren't allowed to use words that blacks are ['nigger' being the most prominent example] because they are racist, while derogatory terms like 'cracker' are okay. Not to mention that you can only say certain words if you are black. Muslims are hated by everyone in the US now because of the silly Iraq war, despite the fact that most Muslims are not terrorists in any sense of the word. Mexicans are also looked down upon, but then they refuse to learn the language of a place they ran to for comfort, while everyone else is dealing with a new and apparently uncomfortable presence and being forced to accommodate their language instead. The race issue is all over the place and everyone is suffering from it, but how people, again, think they can turn the tables on their former oppressors and it is somehow okay is beyond me.

Not to mention the global racism nowadays. People hate other countries and nations because of generalizations and stereotypes that are often based off of the government, not the total population. People all over the world hate America because of Bush, but refuses to acknowledge how many people hate him just as much, now, and how many people are not stupid, fat, ugly, ignorant, intolerant, etc. They'd rather just blame it on the nearest resident because they have no logical way to express their distaste for the government. They blame the government actions on the people. Yes, they may elect them in the beginning, but nobody has control over what a person does during four years. That is a lot more ignorant than the innocent people they claim are ignorant. But, of course, Americans can be just as bad about Europe, especially England and France. And then there's the rivalry between England and France themselves, which has been going on senselessly for hundreds of years and refuses to end. Not quite as bad as much of the Middle East, though, I suppose.

Ah, the Middle East, and how so many people think it is our right to deem their government and culture inferior. So we go in there and try to change everything, like we've done to other people in the past. Imperialism is another form of discrimination. Discrimination against a culture, and conceited views about your own.

Homosexuality is a truly prominent issue in our society today. Many people use religion to justify their homophobia/hetosexism and utter discrimination against a whole class of people. A class of people who continue to be treated as second-class citizens in the US and like dirt of even shit in most of the rest of the world. I don't see how people can't see how this is any different than how we treated blacks before, but somehow they don't. And enough people believe that gays are a total threat that they passed Proposition 8 in California, allowing the ban of gay marriage. "Because we need to protect the sanctity and the definition of marriage." The definition has continued to change as religions and cultures adopted it; it is by no means the same as it was from the start. Besides, these intolerant Fascists have changed the definition of the word 'fag' and 'fairy' and other such insults to suit their close-minded 'needs'. They even refuse to look at science - not that religious die-hards are known for paying attention to science - as they have yet to realize how natural homosexuality is. Over one hundred species of animals engage in homosexuality [quite willingly], including wild animals which have been untouched by human influence.

Hell, even the GLBT community discriminated amongst themselves. Some people hate the gays, some the lesbians, some the bisexuals, and most commonly the transexuals/genders. Some go so far as to remove the T from GLBT. I don't really get how they don't understand their own discriminating actions when they themselves are suffering from it so greatly currently. Apparently it's not enough for doctors and all of society to try their very best to prevent transexuals/genders from receiving the treatment that they need.

And naturally, some homosexuals are heterophobic/homosexist.

Also, after all that religion already being talked about, I also find myself annoyed by how religions continue to hate each other. Christians think they are "perfected" Jews, according to Coulter and her followers, and therefore think they are superior to Jews and all other religions. Hell, even the branches of Christianity fight with one another about who is right. Some people even have religions that tell them that all other religions are wrong and their followers must be killed for such an error. It's more than ridiculous. And atheists and theists are known for going at it constantly, rather than accepting that either one of them could be right about a God, at least [much of the other stuff has been disapproved by science] because they refuse to admit they could be wrong. Honestly, agnosticism is the only peaceful and logical way to go, it seems.

Then there are the groups nobody thinks about at all. In fact, the groups that everyone on the planet seems to hate, whether that is right or wrong. One of these groups is incestuous couples. Right and wrong are subjective opinions, so there is no proof that incest is wrong, unless you believe the Bible is proof. Consensual incestuous couples should be allowed to be together without suffering the same as everyone else. Love is love, in my opinion, with no room for picking and choosing. They aren't hurting each other, and although there is, in reality, only a 25% chance their children will turn out deformed or with other medical/physical/mental issues, they could very well just not have kids. It's no one's business to tell them that their love is wrong, but people do, constantly. Also, in this case, the man is almost always blamed, and the woman somehow the victim. Back to misandry.

And how I know people will want to bitch me out for this one, but paedophiles. Paedophiles are always discriminated against for their sexuality, even if they've never touched a child in their life. Paedophilia is treated as a mental condition and there are facilities that try to change them [via shock treatment, reeducation, etc.] which is often inhumane and sick, just like homosexuality was treated way back when. Not all paedophiles are child molesters, and not all child molesters are paedophiles; take Preists for example. Until a paedophile hurts a child there is no reason to discriminate against them. They are not mad dogs, just like heterosexual and homosexual people are not mad dogs. Just like celibate people are not mad dogs, which is basically what they are forced to be [which is a very sad situation they can't escape, in my opinion.] There is no reason to discriminate against paedophiles.

So as you can see, this world is a pretty ugly face, and that ugliness is embedded in human nature. I believe people will always suffer this massive flaw that is inequality and discrimination and the horrible God complex that makes them think they can judge others. However, I am hoping we will be able to advance beyond this, though it will be a feat greater than any of our former advancements.

Please, take my points to mind before judging another person based on shallow means again. PLUR - Peace Love Unity Respect. It'd be great if we all practiced this.

Also, for those of you who support gay rights and are anti-prop 8 [or even for those of you who are the opposite], please watch this video. It is a beautiful, meaningful speech and you can apply it to a lot of other things I've said here as well. Pretty much every other thing.

Thank you for reading <3 I hope you take my words to mind, and more so to heart. However, I will delete and report spam/flames so don't bother. I am looking for constructive comments and people who are actually willing to think outside of society's tiny box.
 
 
Momo's mood is: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
xxmangledwings
27 October 2008 @ 01:19 am


I finished Code Geass this weekend and I have to say, it was an amazing series. I have so much I want to reflect on. There was just a lot to take in. And I haven't seen a series in a long time, if ever, with so many twists that you actually did not expect coming. I can't decide yet which was the biggest shocker. Maybe as I go along, I'll figure it out.

Anyway, anyone who hasn't watched it yet and is planning to or hasn't finished it yet and is planning to probably should not look beyond.

CutCollapse )Cut for Code Geass Yaoi! Some spoilers may apply.Collapse )
 
 
xxmangledwings
14 September 2008 @ 09:09 pm
I really want - no, probably need - to get out of this wretched place. The issue is, I wouldn't begin to know how. I have a horrible feeling of dread when it comes to living on my own. I absolutely do not want to be by myself, period, but even with a friend the deathtrap of a lifestyle my parents have made for me has set me back years. And it's not like I have a bunch of great friends in this Hellhole anyway. I maybe have like two to three people who even give a fuck at all, and the worst part is I still can't talk to anyone here about everything I'd like to. Even so, I guess anything is better than living a life I despise as I it is now.

I got into a fight with my parents about how much I hate my mom's job. She's never fucking home, and it seems whenever she comes home she goes to sleep right away. On her days off, she'll go out somewhere and shit. And I'm always the one left sitting at home alone doing nothing. She said it was because she had to maintain the lifestyle my brother and I were used to. The lifestyle that pretty much makes us dependent on them. I'll admit, I'd hate not to have such a lifestyle, but I know once I'm out on my own I won't magically have it either. She claimed there was no other job she could possibly have, but it's not like she ever fucking tried.

I've decided I don't want to go to Harford Community anymore, simply because I don't want to be here. I want to think of a way to live someplace else, with someone else.
 
 
Momo's mood is: angryangry
 
 
xxmangledwings
26 August 2008 @ 12:31 am
I was this close to spilling everything to you last night. I don't know if that would have been relieving or painful, or both, but as usual fear - particularly of rejection - held me back. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to do it. After all, I told myself I would almost a month ago. I do know I've never been this determined in my life, though. And I've never felt so genuinely and honestly generous towards an outside person, with feelings and with possessions. That is, it's hard to resist the urge to buy you presents for any excusable occasion. The last conversation we had scared me off more than ever, I think. It just felt like there were no possibilities anymore. Like even if I finally managed to at the least say something, it would be quickly shot down, because it would never be accepted. Something along those lines. I've spent the last two hours pondering methods of confession in my head. Or at least methods of hinting. I'm being to wonder if this is one of them. Sometimes I think I'm way too obvious, after all, or maybe that you're way too oblivious. But sometimes I think I'm probably too secretive and that's the problem. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm praying you'll figure it out and speak up first, because I'm just no good at approaching people on serious matters. It'd be even better if you felt similarly to me. And all this is before I even think about other possible complications - ones I'd prefer not to get into at the moment. I know they don't matter to me; my main concern always, always seems to be you. What's even worse... unconfident me sometimes feels like there is something on your side, but maybe that's just the way you are, or my hopeful imagination. Damn, it still hasn't stopped hurting thinking about this - and you - since the first time I realized my real feelings. It's obvious they aren't going away. I half want them to, and half don't.
 
 
Momo's mood is: rejectedrejected